Themes, Patterns, Phrases and Repetitions

These days Pop seems to communicate through ingrained themes, rote patterns, memorized phrases, with regular repetition. These themes, his fall back positions, seems to provide the means by which he can still communicate. He is quite able to answer our questions, but original thought and absorbing the subtleties of daily life, as the rest of us do so effortlessly, is beyond his ability anymore.
"Was I too noisy?"
"How'd you sleep?"
"Whatever you are making sure smells good"
plus many walks a day and several tea times are all examples of his canned phrases and repetitions that help him communicate and keep his foggy life consistent.

"Was I too noisy?" is a phrase that seems to have its roots in my dad's career. Pop was employed by Pacific Gas and Electric Company for 30+ years at a substation in the small farming town of Milpitas, California, about 35 minutes north/west of our home in San Jose. The substation was nothing more then a little box, maybe 900 square feet with walls and walls of dials and gauges and a few desks for the workers. The office was situated on an acre or so of land with huge wheels, or at least my childhood memory is that they were huge, which had to be manually turned to maintain the proper flow of gas to the outlying communities. Today, like a mini-ghost town, that little substation still exists, man less now, smaller and totally operational by computers. But in my dad's era this little substation had to be manned 24/7.

The crew worked three shifts; days, evenings and "grave yard" (grave yard meant working all night). My dad working grave yards was one of my strongest recollections in the Sawyer household because our mother's nightmare was having to keep two small children quiet while daddy slept in the day time. I recall distinctly her repeated exclamations, "Shhhhhhhhhhhh, Daddy is sleeping!" At the evening meal, before he prepared to leave for work, his sleep or lack of during the day was always the topic of discussion sometimes ending with my being firmly reminded that I needed to be more quiet. I believe his shift work ingrained in him the concept of maintaining a quiet household.

Living with us now, he usually rises after we have. Finding us around the kitchen table, his 1st question is, "Have I been too noisy?" To the common observer one would pick up on the fact that my husband, son and I had been up for some time. But this does not compute with him. He still asks if his morning ritual of toiletries had bothered anyone's sleep.

"How are you feeling today?" is another common phrase. As a child my dad struggled with asthma, so much so that he missed a whole year of high school and graduated with the class behind him. These asthmatic attacks seemed to have made him acutely tuned into health issues. I remember what a faithful care giver and companion he was to my mom through various illnesses that she experienced during their marriage. Interestingly, I have noticed that he never asks this health-question of my son or husband, only me which gives the clear impression that my gender is somehow wrapped up in his gesture of concern. I wish I could say that I appreciated his questioning. But being the strong assertive type that I am, I have to admit his regular questioning causes me to feel that I am being viewed as sickly which I resent. Sometimes I'll ask him, "Do I look sick to you Pop?" His response, "No, I just wanted to be sure you're OK." My response back is with a hearty, "I feel fine!!! And how are you feeling today?" He responds back, equally heartily "I feel great! Great!" It ends a tit for tat.

Tomorrow my dad will rise from his night of slumber, mosey out into the kitchen and ask, "How'd you sleep? I hope I wasn't too noisy." Later in the day he may inquire as to how I'm feeling, thank me profusely for the meals, take numerous walks, and drink numerous cups of tea. Such is life in Don's world -- full of themes, patterns, phrases and repetition.