Half Truths and Cunning

How does one get their father with memory issues to do what he doesn't want to do, what can't be explained or what can't be remembered? The answer -- half truths and cunning.

Half Truth #1 -- Extending his left hand he points to his pinky-finger and says, "My ring. It is gone." "Yes, I know. You lost it, Pop," I say. He seems to accept the news without great consternation which surprises me considering the ring is nearly as old as he is and has great sentimental value. I am relieved. In reality I have found the ring on a couple of occasions around the house. Once between a chair cushion and the arm of the chair and another on the floor. Realizing it was just a matter of time before it would be permanently lost if I didn't do something, I tucked it safely away in a drawer without his knowledge.

Half Truth #2 -- Taking him anywhere that he does not want to go, for example the doctor or the dentist, can produce a litany of repetitive questions from the front door of our house all the way to the doctors office creating unnecessary stress for both of us. So I have learned that asking him if he'd like to go for a "ride," just leaving out the doctor part, works quite well. We have a pleasant drive together and once we arrive at our destination I explain to him why we are there.

Cunning -- "Pop, I have some errands to run. Would you like to go for a drive with me?" "Nope. I think I'll just stay here," comes the response. OK. I can't drag him to the vehicle and I can't leave him home alone. Solution, I wait 10 minutes and present the same offer all over again. "Pop, I've got some errands to run. Would you like to go for a drive with me?" "Oh, sure," comes the reply. Given enough time the first negative response is forgotten and I usually get the positive that I need.

I believe you call this a win-win.